Courtroom manners look like theatre from outside. They are not. They are a compressed signal that you understand where you are, and a judge who reads that signal will give you more room to be imperfect about everything else. That is the entire reason this page exists.
The basics, quickly
- “Your Honor.” Every time. Not “sir”, not “ma’am”, not “judge”, and never a first name. If you are addressing an associate judge or an associate judge’s court, “Your Honor” is still correct.
- Stand when you speak to the judge, and when the judge enters or leaves. If a disability makes that difficult, say so once at the start and then stay seated without worrying about it.
- Speak to the judge, not to the other party. This is the hardest one and the most important. Everything you say goes through the bench. Turning to argue with your ex is how a hearing stops being about the facts.
- Do not interrupt. Not the judge, not opposing counsel, not the witness. Write it down instead — you will get your turn, and the note means you will not lose the point.
- When the judge starts talking, stop. Mid-word if necessary.
- Dress like it is a job interview you want but can afford to lose. Clean and unremarkable. Nobody is grading the clothes; they are noticing whether you treated the day as serious.
- Phone off. Not silent — off. If your exhibits are on it, tell the coordinator beforehand and ask what the court’s rule is.
- Arrive early. Security lines are real and dockets are called in an order you do not control.
The phrases that do work
A small vocabulary covers most of what you will need. These are not magic words, they are simply the normal way of asking for things, and using them means the request is understood immediately rather than parsed.
“Your Honor, may I be heard?”
“Your Honor, may I approach?”
“I’m sorry, Your Honor, I didn’t understand the question. Could you repeat it?”
“Your Honor, may I have a moment to find that document?”
“Your Honor, I misspoke earlier. May I correct the record?”
“Thank you, Your Honor.”
That last one is not surrender and it is not insincerity. It is the sentence that ends a losing exchange without spending credibility you will need in ten minutes for something else.
Things that cost you, and why
| What people do | How it lands |
|---|---|
| Talking over the judge | Reads as inability to follow instruction, which is exactly the question in a custody case |
| Arguing with the other party directly | Turns a hearing into the argument the court is being asked to resolve |
| Sighing, eye-rolling, head-shaking while the other side talks | The judge is watching you the whole time, not only when you speak |
| “That’s a lie” | An accusation the court cannot act on. “That’s inconsistent with Exhibit 4” is the same point, and usable |
| Long narrative when a short answer was asked for | Burns the court’s attention before you reach your strongest material |
| Bringing the children | Almost always the wrong call unless the court has ordered it |
You may. People do, constantly, and no judge in a family court is surprised by it. Ask for a moment, take it, carry on. It is not the disaster you are afraid it is. Bring tissues and water so that the logistics of it do not become their own problem.
Say that you are representing yourself
Early, once, without apology.
“Your Honor, I’m representing myself. I’ll do my best with the procedure and I’d appreciate being told if I’m doing something wrong.”
Be clear about what this does and does not buy you. It does not lower the standard you are held to — Texas courts generally hold self-represented parties to the same rules as attorneys, and a judge cannot become your advocate. What it does is tell everyone in the room how to talk to you, and most judges will then explain a procedural step rather than simply ruling against you for missing it.
Say it once. Repeating it every few minutes turns it from information into an excuse.
Before you go home
Two questions, always, before you leave the courtroom:
- “Your Honor, may I ask what the next step is?”
- “Who is preparing the order?”
The second one catches people out. Somebody has to draft the written order reflecting what the judge just said, and if that somebody is opposing counsel, you want to know now — and you want to see it before it is submitted. An order that does not match the ruling is a problem that is far easier to fix this week than next year.
Related: the court reporter and the record covers why saying things out loud, in that room, is what makes them exist later.
This page is practice and convention rather than rule text, and conventions vary between counties and between individual courts. Where it matters, the court coordinator is the person who knows. Last reviewed 4 August 2026.